.......Fear its self

So a little fact about me, 

for as long as I could remember I have always been very uncomfortable and frightened in the dark. When I was little I needed a night light to go to bed, and if I didn't have one then I would just cry myself to sleep, I genuinely terrified. My mom didn't know what to about it either because she could never understand what about there being no light was so frightening to me. 

It would be until I was older about roughly 10 years old or so when I'd be able to justify what the root of fear was. It didn't have to do with me being afraid of anything like monsters or something or even just the darkness, I was afraid of the uncertainty. With the lights off I couldn't see anything I didn't know what was going on around me, I basically had one of my main senses taken away from me, and it was night time a time that I had no knowledge or experience being apart of. In my head, I was just always expecting the worse to happen to me, or if something was happening. 

From this realization, I still wasn't able to get rid of my fear but I was able to take control of it. So now I understand that my fear is based around paranoia and not so much out of rationalization. Because of this, I am able to sleep mostly to thanks to the help of anxiety medication and sleeping pills. However, my fear still does live on and screaming at me, telling me that one day someone or something is going to come when I least expect it and do unspeakable things to me and the people I care about. I still believe that this day will come, and I know that when it does I'll regret never truly listening to my fear. Because maybe this whole time it was really just intuition.